Guys, What We Want You to Hear (IX/XII)

Well, it's what I want you to hear, anyway. I can't speak for every woman. Read and let me know your thoughts...I welcome them. Man or woman. Married or single.

So...here goes, guys.

We might be strong, we might be independent. But we still want you to fight for us. That doesn't mean we will roll over and play the victim. We have our own battles as women to fight (we wouldn't expect you to fight those for us) and we certainly can't fight them while playing the victim lying on the ground.  But we will respond to your pursuing. And we will joyfully and gladly step in beside you and support you in battle.

It's what we were created to do. 

We are your help-mate. This shouldn't be scary. Not as scary as we make it out to be.

Does it involve risk?

Yes.

Does it involve trust?

Yes.

Does it require stepping out of your comfort zone?

Probably. But it does for us too. We're wading through the unknown just like you are.

But we ask you to recognize that we are ezer-kenegdos. Adam's helpmate. Scripture clearly spells this out in Genesis 2. Adam was living in the garden of Eden amongst all the other living things, which did not include a human. And God deemed it was not good for him to be alone. So he put him to sleep, and from man He created woman. A helper suitable for him. She wasn't to take charge of the relationship and remove his masculinity. She wasn't to fall into a puddle at his feet and be just one more thing he had to take care of. She was to live life with him...as his helper. She is her own person, created in the image of God. Hear that. She is an image-bearer. Just like man. But she is woman. A way for man to not be alone. So why are we living life alone? Is it really easier that way? Is it really better?

Sometime in college, I remember having another conversation with my mom (years after the kissing dating goodbye one) where I was trying to explain to her what kind of man I was looking for. I couldn't describe his looks or even his personality. But I could describe his character.

A spiritual man of God.

One who seeks after Him with his whole heart and longs to serve Him all the days of his life. Also a man who knows he is complete in Him. Him alone. One who knows that he could live his life completely on his own and be OK. That God has equipped Him with what he needs to accomplish His will. Fully independent and capable.

But He also gave him a choice.

He can choose to live life with the woman who aligns with him. The woman of God placed on his path...to help. To stand beside him and serve with him. A woman who knows she's secure and covered with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25-26). A woman who seeks God all the days of her life. A woman who is bold and strong, but gentle. A woman who knows she will be completely OK if God never provides a husband, but will gladly accept the opportunity to choose this man's offer of living life with him.

That is the man that I want. My mom's words? "Good luck with that." Well, I'm betting on that luck because I'm not willing to budge.

I recently went on a mission trip to Guatemala. I had the unique blessing and burden of co-leading the trip. I got to lead with one of my good friends, and he and I felt from the beginning that God clearly orchestrated circumstances for us to be co-leaders on that trip. It was an incredibly humbling experience. On the bus ride home back in Atlanta, he and I were debriefing about the trip. I told him how the experience of leading with him felt a little bit like a marriage.  (Don't get any bright ideas...he and I are friends...and both on the same page with that.) But in the months leading up to the trip, he and I were faced with prepping 12 other people to serve the Lord doing whatever He wanted us to do down there. There were meetings, handouts, prayers, logistics, icebreakers, intense conversations. It required leadership, support, submission, strength. And that was even before we left the country! All these things were magnified in our time there. The weight we each felt was heavy. The support hugely significant. Never a hands off, acquiescent approach. Always seeking God first, then each other's input. There were times he took the reins and led, me supporting and encouraging. There were times he stepped back and supported me as I led.

We had each others' backs. And neither of us could imagine leading without the other.

Isn't that what a marriage is supposed to be like? Sharing the burden? Lifting each other up when the other is weak.

I realized on this trip how crucial a woman's role in a marriage can be. As I said in my previous post, you guys don't have it so easy in this world either. Your security is attacked just as ours is. Pressures put on you in the workplace are intense at best, and oftentimes unreasonable. Society begs you to be better, faster, stronger, in all areas of life. As women, we get to step into life with you and encourage you. The task is mighty, but who else will be that for you if we are not? When you come home at the end of the day and you've fought a hard battle, it is no small task to be the one who gets you...really gets you. The one who helps relieve the tension, the one who can challenge and uplift, respect and love you. The one who is let into those private places no one else gets to see, and we accept you there.

That is weighty.

That is no job description that beckons a woman to roll over and play dead. It requires her to stand up, be strong, boldly support her husband. Affirm where he needs affirming. Speak truth where he needs to hear truth. Be the softness he needs to his rough exterior. Pray her little heart out each day as he enters battle.

That, dear men, is what we want to be for you. And in return, you are to love us like Christ loved the church. Striving to guide, lead, provide.

More on that in the next post! We'll hear from a guest blogger, a male friend of mine who's spent some years in singleness himself. We'll hear his words on living as a single man in God's Kingdom.


Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NAS

Two heads are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.


Thoughts? Post 'em below...