Knowing

I just finished reading Francine River's The Atonement Child, a novel about Dynah Carey, a college-age believer that had it all until a rape and unwanted pregnancy threatened to tear her world and family apart. It, not surprisingly, is relationally incredible and tragically beautiful all in one. There is a healthy level of emotional catharsis I go through with each reading of one of Rivers' books. This book was different though. Maybe it was the close relation of pregnancy and my job. Maybe it was Dynah's parent's marriage on the rocks. Maybe it was precious innocence stolen in such a dreadful way and the realization of how easily it could have happened to me - and still could. Whatever the reason, this book was different. From chapter one. I struggled to keep composure several times - and failed often - as I delved into the complexity and depth of the characters. I was broken for humanity. It hit me: the characters weren't real, but the situations and hurts and brokenness and bitterness and regret and redemption were. I've known enough people in my 28 years to see it firsthand more times than I want to remember. And yet, we would see it exists in each of us if we would just take the time to know someone. Some have scars that bear the marks. Some are still licking wounds and reeling from the pain. Some are walking in the dark, fumbling for answers. Some are walking in redemption, allowing hurts to be relieved by Jesus, pointing to His grace and His glory.

We're all somewhere on the spectrum. It's just a matter of how well you know someone.

The thought came after a recent challenge of whether I just know God...or know God. The challenge came from a tried and true follower of Christ, Michael Hindes. He brought Paul's truth to life from Philippians 3:1-16, stretching my thoughts on how a mature Christian thinks. In his message he pointed out that when God asks us to do something, usually requiring some sort of sacrifice, we naturally look for the payoffs. But what if God is asking for us to sacrifice the payoff too? Would we still say yes to God? Would I do His will just for the sake of knowing Him. Because knowing Him is reward enough. It's a truth I believe. But how well do I live it out? Michael also said that out of knowing comes intimacy, connection, life. He related it to the intimacy between a man and woman, there is pain, tearing, creating of a rhythm, knowing it gets sweeter as it goes. The same is true in our relationship to God. There will be pain of our hearts tearing. We create a rhythm with Him. Know Him. And the knowing gets sweeter. If there was no other reward than knowing Him, that is enough. And here's another thought he presented: who would you rather give your power to? Someone who knows about you or someone who knows you? Really knows you? Heck, I choose someone who knows me intimately. When God surveys the earth for ways to demonstrate His power and make His glory known, I'll bet you He lands on those that truly know Him just about every time.

The testimony of every believer centers on knowing Him. Our stories change and grow as our intimacy grows. We mature in depth of character. God's power is exhibited in more glorious ways. The more we know Him, the more we're freed up to be used by Him.

But I get distracted. Life. Noise. Busyness. Weariness. I get to where I can't hear Him. I lose sight of Him as my sustenance. My only necessary sustenance. So a week and a half ago I stripped away the noise. The distraction. And I began to taste again. I began to taste how sweet He is, how sweet knowing Him alone is. The grace. The guidance. The love. The living water. This past Monday I was at Little Mulberry Park when this song, (Only You) came to me. It was a song I hadn't sung in over 15 years, and yet I remembered every word. I smiled as the reminder of His majesty, the depth of His love, the unique way He satisfies my desires flooded over me. And it came at a time when I really needed to be reminded. It's moments like those that come from knowing Him.