T.r.u.s.t.

Alright, it's time for me to stop reading everyone else's blog and post to my own. Any other bloggers out there who've ever felt the push to blog about something but for whatever reason try to avoid it? Sheesh, that's not like any other area of my life at all....(if you didn't catch the sarcasm, you can soon read more on how I like to avoid giving attention in my life to where it's needed most and the lovely aftermath that results in...whenever I do get around to blogging about it). This morning's distraction? Max Dubinsky's writings about "the relentless truth of life, and the honesty of creativity; nonreligious views from a man who is mad about God's unconditional love." Beware, you might kiss your productivity goodbye as you pour over his words like I did. And then you might just become a fan on Facebook. And if you're really gutsy, you'll follow him on Twitter. But don't worry, I won't call you a copycat.

As for today, I'm finally giving proper attention to a curious little five-letter word that is currently wrecking me. T-r-u-s-t. Yup. It's pretty simple isn't it? You trust your bed to keep you warm at night. You trust your coffee to properly wake you up in the morning. You even trust your car to happily take you from place to place without protesting.

But do you trust God? Do you trust Him enough to give up yourself, your life? Give up everything you've wanted, everything you are. To trust Him. Because that's what He requires. See, the more I press into Him and spend time with Him, the more I understand what being a Christian really isn't. It's not attending church every Sunday, accepting Jesus into my life, listening to Christian music, and turning to Him only when life gets tough. It's a day in day out submission to His will. It's living for Him. Not me. Nowhere in this does it include my desires. My plans. My wants. But oh it is so. much. more!

All I have to do is say goodbye to a comfortable little home filled with a husband and kids, the constant smell of baked goods wafting from the kitchen, and the cozy little glow coming from the fireplace we're all sitting around. Easy, right?...Right? I'd like to say yes, but in all honesty, it's not that easy. It's not that easy to give up dreams you feel are woven into the very fabric of your DNA. Desires that have been around for as long as you've been playing dress up and house (or, in the guys' case, micro machines and legos.) It's everything you've imagined, everything you thought you were created for, sacrificing it all for the sake of bringing glory to the name of my Saviour.

All He's asking me to do is trust. Trust that His plans are bigger than mine. Trust that His plans for me are for good and not for evil. Trust that He will direct my paths, if only I seek Him. His Letter to me is filled with this promise. The desire to get me to see what a life lived with him really is. Here are just a few samples:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil." (Proverbs 3:5-7, NIV)


"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped." (Psalm 28:7, NIV)


"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands." (Psalm 31:14-15a, NIV)


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13, NIV)


"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken...[t]rust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him for God is our refuge." (Psalm 62:1-2, 8, NIV)


And you know what happens when we do? We see how His love is better than life! He gives us "his great and very precious promises, so that through them [we] may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires" (2 Peter 1:4, NIV). We are more than conquerors through His love, and nothing can ever separate us from Him (Romans 8: 37-38). We just have to trust Him. With everything we've got. Giving up everything we've got. 


Why have I been wrecked by this? Well, for one I've recently left my job at the bakery (for reasons I will explain in a private message to you, just not in this blog). It was time. I'd lived in stagnancy long enough. So I once again find myself in a place of questioning what the heck I am doing on this earth. I've helped deliver babies. I've traveled the world. I've brewed countless cups of coffee and decorated cookies and cakes. I have a passion for baking. A passion for writing. A passion for Jesus. And telling people about Him, particularly students. It is one crazy ride. I have yet to see how it all ties together, but I trust. I'm challenged with it every day I wake up. It's a choice I have. I don't have to trust, but let's face it, the alternative to trusting God would be trusting myself, and when has that ever seemed like a good idea? So I literally wake up every day and claim God's truths, which give me the confidence to trust. He's concocting something fantastic up there, something greater than I could conjure up on my own. And that's the point. If it was up to me, my life could maybe be good, nothing fantastic, and certainly not anything that would point to God. But when I trust Him with all of me, well, then I leave Him room to come in and supernaturally work in my life, ultimately bringing Him glory. His fingerprints need to be all over my life for anyone to see it's not of me. 


And since this life isn't about me, well, I'm trusting Him.

Home

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
-Nelson Mandela

601 Sharpe Street - my childhood home

I first read this great quote years ago but was reminded of it again last Thursday. My brother, sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, and I were traveling (all in one minivan!) to South Dakota to surprise our Grandma Jucht for her 80th birthday. Our trek across country had gone quite well so we found ourselves a bit ahead of schedule. After 20 hours in the van we were hungry, to say the least, and happened to be passing the exit for our hometown, Vermillion. We decided to take the exit and pick up a Pizza Hut pizza to devour in Prentis Park. (Both hugely nostalgic points of interest.) It instantly felt familiar. The feel of the grass between my toes, the warm wind on my face, the dandelions, the bugs, the trees. We swapped memories as we finished off our meal. As we drove the main streets of the town, my siblings and I marveled at how spot on our memories were. We recognized the slide at the pool, the sign at the front of the park, the library, our schools, the ball fields. It was almost as if the town had been frozen for the past 16 years. It was so much the same, albeit a smidgen smaller (or had we gotten bigger?!). One must-see sight was our old house: 601 Sharpe Street. We could hardly believe how unchanged it was - the same soft blue paint, the same cement steps along with the same black handrail. The maple tree still stood proudly out front, only bigger and grander now. Floods of memories came to mind: the countless mud pies I made on the curb after it rained, my dad standing in the front yard throwing me as high as the roof so I could catch a glimpse of the backyard, sitting on a blanket in the front yard reading books with my mom, climbing the weeping willow in the backyard and singing for hours. It's where I learned how to walk, talk, and ride a bike. Some Friday nights we'd order a Bigfoot pizza from Pizza Hut, rent a movie and VCR (yes, that's right, we'd rent the VCR too!) from Hollywood Video, and settle in the basement for family night. I could go on and on...

A whole heck of a lot of life has happened since we left that house. I learned how to drive a car, went off to college, had my first career as a nurse, traveled the world. I've learned and experienced so many things, yet when I set foot on that soil, there's something in me that feels so right, so at home. It's as if I never left. I think that's what it's like when we spend time with God. We were created to be with Him, to relation with Him in perfect holy union. But things changed, we sinned and the world became a different place. We could no longer know God in the same way. But He had mercy on us and we were saved by the sacrifice of Jesus. We can now turn to God and relation with Him as His redeemed creation. It's like returning to how things were supposed to be. Nowhere else on earth feels quite as right as when I'm sitting with my Father. He is unchanged. We go through life's twists and turns, altering each step of the way. And then we rest in His presence. It's everything familiar, it's everything peaceful. It's home sweet home.