I need to go to a pool. Or a lake. Or the ocean.
I'm craving water. Not like a glass of water to drink. And not a body of water for laying on a beach towel and tanning either. I want water I can submerse myself in. Be fully consumed by the stuff. I've had this recurring water theme for awhile now. I remember being struck by the profound implications of it a year ago while on a hike with my mom. (check out Peace Like a River) There was a stream flowing along most of the 8-mile trail. It hit me that streams are moving, constant; powerful at times, softly flowing at others. Never stagnant. Just like God and His love. This week I was reminded of an image I had a few years ago when I was on a run at Freedom Park in Charlotte. It was a cold autumn morning...and it was raining (my favorite time to run!). The park was vacant save for the geese and worms. I paused for awhile by the pond and gazed at the water. I had an image of me taking off my jacket and shoes and diving in. As I hit the water and was fully submersed, I was filled with the most incredible feeling of peace. It was as if I was surrounded by God's love, completely covered. If only I would jump in the water. But I didn't.
For some reason that image and all the feelings that went with it stuck with me. I was reminded of it on Thursday on another run, this time at Little Mulberry Park (newfound addiction, thanks to my friend Jenna). There's a pond there, too. And it got me thinking of water again. That feeling of diving in and being perfectly at peace - is that what it feels like to completely trust God? I've been working on trusting Him. Like really trusting Him. There are some things in my life going on right now that require me to give Him everything. To faithfully put one foot in front of the other and trust for no other reason than He is God. But that's reason enough.
This morning I was pondering what trusting my Father really looks like in my life and listening to the Passion Here For You album. David Crowder's "Sometimes" started playing. (listen to it here) The song is magical in the way that it builds instrumentally with Crowder's bold voice piercing through. It makes my heart beat faster and a little bit feel like it's being squeezed tighter and tighter. He says "It's Your love that we adore, it's like a sea without a shore, we're lost in You, we're lost in You." I'm thinking sheesh, this is just what's been on my mind. And then my favorite lines hit:
Don't be afraid, Don't be afraid
Just set your sail and risk the ocean
Show me grace
Let's risk the ocean
THAT is what I want! I want to risk the ocean...and rest in God's grace, trusting Him wholly to guide me. And you know what, I believe He will. Why? Because He promises this in His Word - it's all over! Jeremiah 29:11-13, Psalm 138:7-8, Psalm 34, Mark 11:22-26....I could go on and on. He just asks us to trust Him. And we have no reason not to. Hebrews 6:17-19 tells us "it is impossible for God to lie." Since all these promises are true, I have no reason not to trust. And Crowder says "don't be afraid"...but golly, that's easier said than done! It feels kind of scary...so I want to go to the ocean. I want to dive in, feel the cool water surround me, the peaceful feeling of gliding through its currents and imagine my Heavenly Father guiding me just the same.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Be Like a Child
I've just gotta tell you about the way the Lord answered a prayer yesterday. It was a Monday morning; enough said...but let me elaborate. My soul had been discontent all day Sunday. When this happens I tend to not sleep - I have a hard time closing my eyes at night because I think some epiphany will hit me while I'm awake and wasting time, namely facebooking (please tell me I'm not alone in this!). So Monday at 5:45 hit pretty hard when I'd only fallen asleep a few hours before. Naturally, I overslept and had to rush to get ready for work. God's grace came to me as I arrived at work and discovered I was the only one there and didn't have a key. How is this God's grace? Well, it provided a perfect opportunity to pull out my Bible and read as I sat on the patio to wait for my boss. My soul opened up immediately. My soul was weary and dry. I asked God to speak to me - I felt like I hadn't heard Him in awhile. I reminded myself that the Holy Spirit was IN me. He is with me every day, everywhere I go. And I asked for peace. I've felt a block when I come to the Lord, as if I don't have the words to say. It's like I'm almost back at square one asking Him how to pray.
Soon my boss arrived and the day began. But I couldn't shake this needing to hear from God. A couple hours later, as I found myself behind the counter being the morning barista, wiping down the counter for the hundredth time, it hit me. A memory hit me - a memory so vivid I could almost taste it. I was in the Drum Cafe in Christchurch, NZ. I was sitting at a table, back to a wall, looking out the window. Bible open in front of me. Amelie Soundtrack playing in the background. There was a German couple sitting a few tables over. The smell of warm breakfast food surrounding me. It was cold and rainy outside, but I was nestled in this little cozy nook for hours. I remember feeling really content. And I also remember journaling about this day. (I journaled nearly every day on my trip, which I've been grateful for countless times.) As I tried to figure out why this memory flooded my head, the only thought I had was to read. It's as if someone kept saying over and over Drum Cafe, go read your journal, Drum Cafe, in December, go read, find the words. So at 11:45 last night, I did. First page of my journals in December say, "Found myself in Drum Cafe in Christchurch today. Drank a delicious hazelnut latte...did my devo in the shop today..." I was reading A Pilgrim Finds the Way. These are the words I copied down from page 60:
Soon my boss arrived and the day began. But I couldn't shake this needing to hear from God. A couple hours later, as I found myself behind the counter being the morning barista, wiping down the counter for the hundredth time, it hit me. A memory hit me - a memory so vivid I could almost taste it. I was in the Drum Cafe in Christchurch, NZ. I was sitting at a table, back to a wall, looking out the window. Bible open in front of me. Amelie Soundtrack playing in the background. There was a German couple sitting a few tables over. The smell of warm breakfast food surrounding me. It was cold and rainy outside, but I was nestled in this little cozy nook for hours. I remember feeling really content. And I also remember journaling about this day. (I journaled nearly every day on my trip, which I've been grateful for countless times.) As I tried to figure out why this memory flooded my head, the only thought I had was to read. It's as if someone kept saying over and over Drum Cafe, go read your journal, Drum Cafe, in December, go read, find the words. So at 11:45 last night, I did. First page of my journals in December say, "Found myself in Drum Cafe in Christchurch today. Drank a delicious hazelnut latte...did my devo in the shop today..." I was reading A Pilgrim Finds the Way. These are the words I copied down from page 60:
“Children: for them everything is a “game.” They are “deadly serious” about everything. They do not “worry” about food, clothing and shelter. What they need they just ask for, and keep asking till they are satisfied, whether it be material things or attention or affection. They “trust” everyone instinctively. They speak right out what they are thinking. They are inquisitive and searching. To them everything is new and wonderful. They ask questions not because they have doubts or because they want to gain control, but in order to learn and understand. They need to be constantly reaffirmed about their worth and value.” The pilgrim here seems to be meditating on Jesus’ command to become like little children if we desire to enter His Kingdom. We can learn from this how we should relate to our Heavenly Father."
Are you kidding me? My answer, loud and clear. God was saying, come to me as a child comes to me. I don't expect you to have this all figured out. Simple words. Just express your thoughts. See, typically I like to come to God having my desires figured out and expressing them to him in a mature composed way. I found myself coming up short. I didn't know how to put it all together. And this right here was telling me I don't need to. Ask like a little child asks. Inquire with the curiosity of a 5-year-old - and let me tell you, after living with one, that's one heck of a lot of curiosity. I'm reminded of Luke 18:15-17 where Jesus rebukes his disciples for sending the children away. He says, "let the little children come to me...for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
I smiled to myself and thanked God for giving me this answer. Even if it took all day for me to eventually sit down and read my journal. He was faithful and kept reminding me. And when I was obedient, He put the answer right there.
Monday, May 2, 2011
More Haiti Musings
I have pages and pages of journal entries from the trip. My last blog entry simply wasn't enough to truly capture what the 9 days held for us. So after debating the best way to not bore everyone to death and yet share more about my experience, I've settled on laying out some snippets from each day - believe me, you wouldn't want the whole of it! Feel free to skim, browse, or skip altogether...
Day 1: Saturday, April 2, 2011
Ok, weariness evident by falling asleep before takeoff on first flight and sleeping through it! Never done that before. Starting a trip this weary isn't ideal, but not much I can do about it now. This is such a great group of people. I'm really excited to be with them all week. Admittedly I feel unsure of the actual work we're doing - am I prepared? Uff-da. God's gotta carry us from here...
My contacts have been in for 28 hours so far...
Listening to Phil Wickham's new album - I feel like being on this plane is crossing the line between Heaven & Earth.
Mountains = love for God...
PRAISE GOD! No luggage lost, all flights on time...
Met Dave and Beth Watters (World Hope missionaries in Haiti) today. LOVE them! So great to hear their story, see them shine Christ's love. So inspiring...
Being in town reminded me so much of the Philippines only on a larger scale. The mountains cried out God's majesty. They were awesome! I felt such incomparable love in my heart for God. A deep love. A love He keeps pursuing. He amazes me. I've teared up several times since being here and it's only day 1. God is stirring in my soul - I want to decipher his message!
Day 2: Sunday, April 3, 2011
Omelette for breakfast - lots of onions and a "hot dog" in it. White bread and a banana...
Off to the mountains after that to do VBS/church with the kids, then fed them lunch. So grateful for Aaron's natural oil stuff to help with car sickness!... (Seriously, Aaron...it was a lifesaver!)
Loved interacting with the kids! So cute and eager, once we got past shyness they were so engaging. Did David & Goliath skit/story with them. Sang song, played soccer, jumprope, bubbles. Served them a wholesome meal - food stretched to feed everyone! - very wholesome meal, quite possibly the most filling meal they'll have all week...
Felt very weary after getting back "home." Supper - rice and beans, some pasta stuff, potato salad, plantains, fish (literally a fish on the plate...with eyeballs).
Day 3: Monday, April 4, 2011
INADEQUATE. That's the best word to describe how today went for me. I felt like I didn't have enough to give. I didn't know enough medications. I didn't speak the same language. I didn't have a pen or paper when I needed it. Everyone needs something - water, food, better nutrition, vitamins, prescription meds, antibiotics. The Haitian doctors asked me what and how much to prescribe. There were so many more things we could have used. But even then it's only a short-term fix...
I need to turn to God more, more prayer, more relying on Him. I felt very alone today - it was a great morning, but the further into the clinic we got, the more alone I felt. My heart cries out to do this [medical missions] more though. Not sure what to do with that...
So I feel better after talking with the group - there were lots of good experiences that everyone had - I saw lots of neat moments: Sarah teaching hygiene, Brad with his hand on a child's head praying, Lauren fitting a woman for eye glasses. I did what I could.
Day 4: Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Today will be better. I'll know more what to expect. I'll be familiar with the meds and doctors. I have a better grasp on what we can and can't do for people. Human interaction - smiles - touch - that's what we have an unlimited supply of. 2 Corinthians 12:9 came into my head last night: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." Believe and be satisfied, Erin...
Things I want to remember but may not be able to explain: extremely rough road driving up the mountain; driving through the river (literally), people washing motorcycles, tap taps, their clothes, themselves; goats, pigs, donkeys all around; piles of trash and burning trash; plastic bottles everywhere; buildings along the street are vacant but people are everywhere; children walking in school uniforms; women with stands of fruit, veggies, rice and goods; heat; sun; smells...
Saying "bonjour" or "bonswa" with a smile will almost always break a barrier...
Another clinic today. Felt less inadequate. Saw about 100 people. One child with a fever of 104, another with malaria, another with ringworm, another with scabies. It was so hot out there...
Debrief time on the rooftop of our hotel with our team. Great time together sharing testimonies. Each story is so full of meaning. God's fingerprints all over. I love hearing their stories, such depth and feeling...
Heard a Haitian church service in progress down the road from our hotel, so we went to join them. Such a neat experience - encouraging for both the Haitians and us. Pastor spoke on John 3, the Vine and the branches. Clint sang a worship song. Neat to meld together as brothers and sisters, singing in two languages yet in unison. Very cool.
Day 5: Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Didn't sleep good last night. Was hot all night and dreamt. Will fake being refreshed this morning. :)...
Another great clinic today - saw about 110 people, mostly children. Lots of headaches, worms, trouble sleeping, coughs, fevers, etc. Gave out probably $5000 worth of meds...
More great testimonies tonight!...
I smell. Gross. But I shower every night. I feel great though. No sickness! No sunburn!!!
Day 6: Thursday, April 7, 2011
Morning alone time on the rooftop. Cherished moments each morning. I wouldn't trade this time for anything in the world. Reminds me of David on rooftop with His Lord. 2 Cor. 12:7-10...about thorn in Paul's side to keep him humble - possibly like my feelings on inadequacy? Feeling like I'm never smart enough, can never remember enough, never measure up to those I compare myself to. Brings back memories of times in high school, college, nursing job, etc. I've struggled with this for years...
Plantain soup for breakfast. Verdict still out on that one...
Went to school down the road for VBS with 5 and 6 year olds - little Haitian Coopers! :) We colored pictures with them, shared the gospel with them, prayed over them - their little heads bowed and hands folded...would melt even the hardest of hearts. Got to play with them after class. Pat-a-cake, Ring Around the Rosie, holding their hand and spinning in circles, singing French songs. We danced and twirled. Lovely beautiful laughs and smiles...
Went back to the Haitian church tonight. Clint led us in worship, Brad gave the message. We laid hands and prayed over them. They laid hands and prayed over us. Extremely powerful moment. I felt great heat on my head and hands as the pastor prayed over me in Creole. Such intensity. Such peace. Whew, it was a very Spirit-filled moment.
Day 7: Friday, April 8, 2011
GREAT God time this morning. Up on the rooftop again - it's a beautiful morning. Bright sun, a bit of fog/mist over the mountains in the distance. Shane & Shane, some Chris & Conrad ("I'm At Home" and "You're the One")streaming through my iPod. Psalm 145. My heart is so full and at peace...
Went to the dedication service for MaryLucy's school. What an amazing school - very conducive for a great learning experience. Our team sang "Our God" at the ceremony. I love that song!...
Headed back to the school down the street. Lindsey, Brad, and I went into a class of 15- to 20-year-olds. We shared the gospel with them. One kid named Johnny came forward and became a believer! They asked a ton of questions on what it is to be a Christian. Questions about nightclubs, drinking, premarital sex, tattoos, earrings, girls wearing pants, pornography. It was a neat time of discipleship. They kept going and going with questions. They were hungry to be led. Each of us jumped in where we could to explain and guide and speak truth. We prayed over them at the end. Such a need for believers, Christ's hands and feet, to walk with these teens...
After dinner tonight we debriefed with Beth. She is so kind. God is working in and through that woman all over. She has such a dear heart and said great encouraging words about us and to us, and described what re-entry to life in the States will be like. Had great team-building time afterward. Sitting on the rooftop in the dark sharing stories, laughing until our sides hurt. We were all very aware that moments like that are rare. Cherished the time to get to know each other better. Yay for Transitional Community bonding time!
Day 8: Saturday, April 9, 2011
Packed up this morning. Braided lots of hair for the girls on my team. GREAT God time again on the rooftop - my last morning! Beautiful time with my Father...
Loaded up and drove back over the mountains to Port au Prince. Honestly, I don't have the energy to describe everything I saw on the drive. The memories are etched on my heart. Pictures capture some of it, but it's why you have to travel yourself. There's something about the sights, smells, feelings all combined together. It can't be captured completely in a picture. Thank you God for allowing me to experience this.
Day 9: Sunday, April 10, 2011
Time to go home. Part of me isn't ready to leave. Part of me will never leave. And another part of me is so ready for a hot shower it's ridiculous.
Whew! You made it through (or skipped a lot)! Congratulations. Thoughts on life after Haiti - the struggles and life lessons coming soon...
Day 1: Saturday, April 2, 2011
Ok, weariness evident by falling asleep before takeoff on first flight and sleeping through it! Never done that before. Starting a trip this weary isn't ideal, but not much I can do about it now. This is such a great group of people. I'm really excited to be with them all week. Admittedly I feel unsure of the actual work we're doing - am I prepared? Uff-da. God's gotta carry us from here...
My contacts have been in for 28 hours so far...
Listening to Phil Wickham's new album - I feel like being on this plane is crossing the line between Heaven & Earth.
Mountains = love for God...
PRAISE GOD! No luggage lost, all flights on time...
Met Dave and Beth Watters (World Hope missionaries in Haiti) today. LOVE them! So great to hear their story, see them shine Christ's love. So inspiring...
Being in town reminded me so much of the Philippines only on a larger scale. The mountains cried out God's majesty. They were awesome! I felt such incomparable love in my heart for God. A deep love. A love He keeps pursuing. He amazes me. I've teared up several times since being here and it's only day 1. God is stirring in my soul - I want to decipher his message!
Day 2: Sunday, April 3, 2011
Omelette for breakfast - lots of onions and a "hot dog" in it. White bread and a banana...
Off to the mountains after that to do VBS/church with the kids, then fed them lunch. So grateful for Aaron's natural oil stuff to help with car sickness!... (Seriously, Aaron...it was a lifesaver!)
Loved interacting with the kids! So cute and eager, once we got past shyness they were so engaging. Did David & Goliath skit/story with them. Sang song, played soccer, jumprope, bubbles. Served them a wholesome meal - food stretched to feed everyone! - very wholesome meal, quite possibly the most filling meal they'll have all week...
Felt very weary after getting back "home." Supper - rice and beans, some pasta stuff, potato salad, plantains, fish (literally a fish on the plate...with eyeballs).
Day 3: Monday, April 4, 2011
INADEQUATE. That's the best word to describe how today went for me. I felt like I didn't have enough to give. I didn't know enough medications. I didn't speak the same language. I didn't have a pen or paper when I needed it. Everyone needs something - water, food, better nutrition, vitamins, prescription meds, antibiotics. The Haitian doctors asked me what and how much to prescribe. There were so many more things we could have used. But even then it's only a short-term fix...
I need to turn to God more, more prayer, more relying on Him. I felt very alone today - it was a great morning, but the further into the clinic we got, the more alone I felt. My heart cries out to do this [medical missions] more though. Not sure what to do with that...
So I feel better after talking with the group - there were lots of good experiences that everyone had - I saw lots of neat moments: Sarah teaching hygiene, Brad with his hand on a child's head praying, Lauren fitting a woman for eye glasses. I did what I could.
Day 4: Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Today will be better. I'll know more what to expect. I'll be familiar with the meds and doctors. I have a better grasp on what we can and can't do for people. Human interaction - smiles - touch - that's what we have an unlimited supply of. 2 Corinthians 12:9 came into my head last night: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." Believe and be satisfied, Erin...
Things I want to remember but may not be able to explain: extremely rough road driving up the mountain; driving through the river (literally), people washing motorcycles, tap taps, their clothes, themselves; goats, pigs, donkeys all around; piles of trash and burning trash; plastic bottles everywhere; buildings along the street are vacant but people are everywhere; children walking in school uniforms; women with stands of fruit, veggies, rice and goods; heat; sun; smells...
Saying "bonjour" or "bonswa" with a smile will almost always break a barrier...
Another clinic today. Felt less inadequate. Saw about 100 people. One child with a fever of 104, another with malaria, another with ringworm, another with scabies. It was so hot out there...
Debrief time on the rooftop of our hotel with our team. Great time together sharing testimonies. Each story is so full of meaning. God's fingerprints all over. I love hearing their stories, such depth and feeling...
Heard a Haitian church service in progress down the road from our hotel, so we went to join them. Such a neat experience - encouraging for both the Haitians and us. Pastor spoke on John 3, the Vine and the branches. Clint sang a worship song. Neat to meld together as brothers and sisters, singing in two languages yet in unison. Very cool.
Day 5: Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Didn't sleep good last night. Was hot all night and dreamt. Will fake being refreshed this morning. :)...
Another great clinic today - saw about 110 people, mostly children. Lots of headaches, worms, trouble sleeping, coughs, fevers, etc. Gave out probably $5000 worth of meds...
More great testimonies tonight!...
I smell. Gross. But I shower every night. I feel great though. No sickness! No sunburn!!!
Day 6: Thursday, April 7, 2011
Morning alone time on the rooftop. Cherished moments each morning. I wouldn't trade this time for anything in the world. Reminds me of David on rooftop with His Lord. 2 Cor. 12:7-10...about thorn in Paul's side to keep him humble - possibly like my feelings on inadequacy? Feeling like I'm never smart enough, can never remember enough, never measure up to those I compare myself to. Brings back memories of times in high school, college, nursing job, etc. I've struggled with this for years...
Plantain soup for breakfast. Verdict still out on that one...
Went to school down the road for VBS with 5 and 6 year olds - little Haitian Coopers! :) We colored pictures with them, shared the gospel with them, prayed over them - their little heads bowed and hands folded...would melt even the hardest of hearts. Got to play with them after class. Pat-a-cake, Ring Around the Rosie, holding their hand and spinning in circles, singing French songs. We danced and twirled. Lovely beautiful laughs and smiles...
Went back to the Haitian church tonight. Clint led us in worship, Brad gave the message. We laid hands and prayed over them. They laid hands and prayed over us. Extremely powerful moment. I felt great heat on my head and hands as the pastor prayed over me in Creole. Such intensity. Such peace. Whew, it was a very Spirit-filled moment.
Day 7: Friday, April 8, 2011
GREAT God time this morning. Up on the rooftop again - it's a beautiful morning. Bright sun, a bit of fog/mist over the mountains in the distance. Shane & Shane, some Chris & Conrad ("I'm At Home" and "You're the One")streaming through my iPod. Psalm 145. My heart is so full and at peace...
Went to the dedication service for MaryLucy's school. What an amazing school - very conducive for a great learning experience. Our team sang "Our God" at the ceremony. I love that song!...
Headed back to the school down the street. Lindsey, Brad, and I went into a class of 15- to 20-year-olds. We shared the gospel with them. One kid named Johnny came forward and became a believer! They asked a ton of questions on what it is to be a Christian. Questions about nightclubs, drinking, premarital sex, tattoos, earrings, girls wearing pants, pornography. It was a neat time of discipleship. They kept going and going with questions. They were hungry to be led. Each of us jumped in where we could to explain and guide and speak truth. We prayed over them at the end. Such a need for believers, Christ's hands and feet, to walk with these teens...
After dinner tonight we debriefed with Beth. She is so kind. God is working in and through that woman all over. She has such a dear heart and said great encouraging words about us and to us, and described what re-entry to life in the States will be like. Had great team-building time afterward. Sitting on the rooftop in the dark sharing stories, laughing until our sides hurt. We were all very aware that moments like that are rare. Cherished the time to get to know each other better. Yay for Transitional Community bonding time!
Day 8: Saturday, April 9, 2011
Packed up this morning. Braided lots of hair for the girls on my team. GREAT God time again on the rooftop - my last morning! Beautiful time with my Father...
Loaded up and drove back over the mountains to Port au Prince. Honestly, I don't have the energy to describe everything I saw on the drive. The memories are etched on my heart. Pictures capture some of it, but it's why you have to travel yourself. There's something about the sights, smells, feelings all combined together. It can't be captured completely in a picture. Thank you God for allowing me to experience this.
Day 9: Sunday, April 10, 2011
Time to go home. Part of me isn't ready to leave. Part of me will never leave. And another part of me is so ready for a hot shower it's ridiculous.
Whew! You made it through (or skipped a lot)! Congratulations. Thoughts on life after Haiti - the struggles and life lessons coming soon...
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Haiti
Man, what a trip! I thank you for patience in waiting for the stories. I wish I could have written while in Haiti, but honestly, it might have been a distraction. Being there was the most at peace I've been for awhile. We had a really busy week, but there were so few distractions. I had no cell phone. No internet. No movies. No bills to pay or errands to run. No emails to return. It was truly living in the moment. Being fully present with the tasks before us and trying to take it all in. And boy was there a lot to take in. Crowded chaotic streets, women carrying baskets and bags of goods on their heads, bleating goats, honking horns, children laughing, burning piles of trash, malnourished people and animals, the list goes on and on.
I can tell you it is a truly beautiful country. Beautiful people. Beautiful landscape. Every time I see mountains I fall deeper in love with our Creator. These mountains proved no different. We drove through breathtaking scenery on our way from the capital city of Port au Prince to where we would spend the week in Jacmel. All ten of us and all 21 of our suitcases made it safely to Jacmel. It all went so smoothly we could hardly believe it! We concluded God's favor was on us and tucked that encouragement away as we started the week.
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| My amazing team in the 12Stone parking lot at 3:30 AM - ready for departure! |
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| All 21 of our suitcases! THANK YOU for all your donations!!!! |
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| trash on the side of the road |
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| crowded streets |
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| beautiful children |
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| stunning mountains |
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| me (on the roof of our hotel) with a tent village in the background |
I can tell you it is a truly beautiful country. Beautiful people. Beautiful landscape. Every time I see mountains I fall deeper in love with our Creator. These mountains proved no different. We drove through breathtaking scenery on our way from the capital city of Port au Prince to where we would spend the week in Jacmel. All ten of us and all 21 of our suitcases made it safely to Jacmel. It all went so smoothly we could hardly believe it! We concluded God's favor was on us and tucked that encouragement away as we started the week.
There are stories upon stories to tell, but for now I'll share with you three of my most heart-capturing moments. The first one was on Monday during the clinic we held in the mountain village of Terra Rouge. A shy young woman carrying a tiny bundle slipped onto the rickety wooden chair in front of me and one of the Haitian doctors. She moved the blanket in her arms to reveal a four-day-old sleeping little girl, her daughter who couldn't have been more than 5 and a half pounds. She was a precious baby, but she had an eye infection. Through the help of interpreters we discovered that some unclean water had accidentally splashed into the baby's eye at birth. The eye was swollen and matted shut. We gave the baby what meds we could. I had the privilege of holding her while the mother learned how to open the medicine bottle. Can you imagine? She was a young new mom. Her baby was sick. She had no other alternatives, so she swaddled up her newborn and made the long trek to the clinic. She was determined to give her baby a fighting chance. She had the sweetest smile. And she was so grateful. It broke my heart to see her walk away. How far did she have to walk to get back to her hut? Would her baby's infection cause blindness? Would she even live? What pain was the mother feeling after delivering a baby a mere four days earlier? Her determination and strength was beyond inspiring. I will never forget the look on her face as she thanked us before walking away.
The second moment involves a patient on the opposite end of the age spectrum. A few days later we were doing another clinic in a different area. Several elderly women came through - some for glasses, others for stomach issues, others for rashes or wounds that aren't healing properly. But one woman stuck out to me. Like most of the people coming through the clinic, they willingly wait hours to get to the doctors. While they waited in line, our team got to love on them - blowing bubbles, playing games, massaging lotion into overworked hands. This particular woman had her nails painted in the most lively bright shade of red you can imagine. She carefully eased herself down on the bench as I prepared to take her blood pressure. I noticed her red nails right away. I knelt down to hold her palms in my hand, showing her I was admiring her beautiful hands. I "ooohed" and smiled over them and when I looked up into her face, the look of kindness in her eyes was paralyzing. It was like this 70 or 80 something-year-old woman had stepped back to her childhood, like a child showing off her new dress. Her clear eyes shone with gratitude and the multitude of wrinkles on her face deepened as her mouth curved into a big grin. I thought to myself, I'm looking into the face of Jesus. And it had never looked more lovely.
The last story involves several children at a school we visited to do VBS. We spent the morning in a classroom of 5- and 6-year-olds. Precious little children in their pale blue uniforms. They were more attentive than I've ever seen kids that age, hanging on every word as we shared with them the story of David and Goliath. We laughed as the story was acted out, giving several kids the opportunity to fall to the ground as Goliath did. We colored pictures with them, swapping crayons and oohing and aahing over their colorful creations. We shared with them the gospel and prayed over them, each one bowing his or her head as the words were spoken. After the class was dismissed and we'd visited with other children, I saw these kids out in the quad area outside. I went over and started interacting with them, attempting to play games through our lack of verbal communication. They smiled and giggled and fought over who would get to hold my hand next. We started twirling each other and dancing even though there was no music. I asked them to sing for me and the next thing I knew I was part of a circle of 8 or so children who are all singing in French. We're holding hands and walking/running in the circle, like we would if we were playing Ring Around the Rosie. I didn't know what the words meant, but it melted my heart to hear their voices singing in unison and see their eyes looking to me for affirmation. It has never been more fun to share laughter than with those eager little ones.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Oh the Roller Coaster
Man alive, these last two weeks have been busy! Work, small group, youth group, out of town, a musical, a million little errands to run, bills to pay, prayer night, baking...whew. I'm tired all over again just from typing it all. I'll be honest, I'd hoped to be more well-rested for the trip to Haiti, but there just hasn't been enough time. In fact, I'll make this short so I can get a few more zzz's before departure.
As April 2nd creeps closer and closer, I've felt the ups and downs of the roller coaster all the more. Thinking about the people we'll meet, the work we'll get to do, the medical care we'll provide, the games we'll play - takes me pretty high up! But then there's the errands, the daily life that still needs to be lived, the thoughts of inadequacy or that feeling of having forgotten something - it can bring me down. The frequency in which I vacillate between the two has taken me by surprise. Literally one minute I can be up, the next minute down. It's amazing, however, how those little moments of solitude and prayer can change the mood. Just opening up the communication with God brings such peace. I have to challenge myself to counter every negative thought. Thoughts that not much can be accomplished in only 9 days...or without a building and medical supplies who can we really help?...or I''m just not equipped enough for a trip like this. They're lies. And I'm grateful for our great and mighty King who will accomplish His will for me (Psalm 138:8)! People often ask me if I'm nervous for the trip. To be honest, not a bit. I'm so excited to travel again (after a over a year since my last trip, it's about time!)...and this time I get to go with people! It's a testament to God's faithfulness that I have no fear. I've struggled with fear a bit in my life, and still do in several areas, but He's helped me conquer this trip. I only have excitement and anticipation, not a hint of fear on the horizon. I believe God has significant things in store for our team!
Speaking of our team - they're pretty incredible. They're hearts are crying out to serve. We've prepared and prayed and opened ourselves up. We've packed up 20 suitcases with crafts, clothes, medical supplies, and games. The time is here to allow the Spirit move in, around, and through us.
We'll be landing in Haiti in about 34 hours...!
As April 2nd creeps closer and closer, I've felt the ups and downs of the roller coaster all the more. Thinking about the people we'll meet, the work we'll get to do, the medical care we'll provide, the games we'll play - takes me pretty high up! But then there's the errands, the daily life that still needs to be lived, the thoughts of inadequacy or that feeling of having forgotten something - it can bring me down. The frequency in which I vacillate between the two has taken me by surprise. Literally one minute I can be up, the next minute down. It's amazing, however, how those little moments of solitude and prayer can change the mood. Just opening up the communication with God brings such peace. I have to challenge myself to counter every negative thought. Thoughts that not much can be accomplished in only 9 days...or without a building and medical supplies who can we really help?...or I''m just not equipped enough for a trip like this. They're lies. And I'm grateful for our great and mighty King who will accomplish His will for me (Psalm 138:8)! People often ask me if I'm nervous for the trip. To be honest, not a bit. I'm so excited to travel again (after a over a year since my last trip, it's about time!)...and this time I get to go with people! It's a testament to God's faithfulness that I have no fear. I've struggled with fear a bit in my life, and still do in several areas, but He's helped me conquer this trip. I only have excitement and anticipation, not a hint of fear on the horizon. I believe God has significant things in store for our team!
Speaking of our team - they're pretty incredible. They're hearts are crying out to serve. We've prepared and prayed and opened ourselves up. We've packed up 20 suitcases with crafts, clothes, medical supplies, and games. The time is here to allow the Spirit move in, around, and through us.
We'll be landing in Haiti in about 34 hours...!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Apathy Acts Like An Ally
As the departure date for Haiti approaches (April 2nd!!!), I find myself increasingly eager to begin the trip. I've received all my shots and pills, I've collected gear and supplies, I've fasted (13 of 21 days done so far) and prayed. And yet I'll never feel fully ready to go. At the end of the day, I may be safe from Typhoid and Malaria, I may have a blood pressure cuff and a stethoscope, but I'll never feel fully prepared. That's where I get to do all I can do and trust God to do the rest. I get to give Him my weaknesses, my failures and shortcomings, and see Him shine in the midst. I fully expect Him to work in great ways in our team and in the people we meet. And the more I pray, the more my heart yearns to engage with the Haitians, the more my perception of their pain comes into focus. I cannot imagine what changes they have been through in the past 14 months, nor can I begin to understand the depth of sorrow they've experienced. But I long to be with them, to share a smile, to validate their pain, to encourage and pray with them.
Brooke Fraser's "Flags" has been my theme song of the month. Click here to listen to this amazing song. I sense my emotions triggering when I hear "reality has left you reeling" and it's just downhill from there. It's rare to end the song with a dry eye, yet Brooke's poignant prose speak of something oh so hopeful. It's got God's promises spelled right out:
You who mourn will be comforted
You who hunger will hunger no more
Oh the last shall be first, of this I am sure
In Luke 6, just after choosing His disciples, Jesus makes these promises to them. It is with this truth settled deep within me that I will pray with expectation as I walk on Haitian soil. That is the hopeful part...but there's also the part that haunts me every time.
While apathy acts like an ally
My enemy and I are one and the same
Uuuugh, it just makes me grown inwardly. How often am I apathetic towards those who mourn, those who hunger, those who weep? Do we turn away and move on or turn towards and press in? It's easier to just move on, but we're called to press in. The Great Comforter has commissioned us to be His hands and feet. We are the physical embodiment of His Spirit on earth. If we turn the other way, who will be there? I'm challenged to think of where I miss opportunities, where I let my busyness distract me from seeing the need of those calling out. Preparing for this trip has made me aware of not only the needs in a far off country, but also the needs of those in our own circles. Sure it takes courage to fly to a foreign country and share Christ's love. But isn't it just as courageous to extend your hand to those right here?
In light of recent natural disasters - the earthquake in Christchurch, NZ (which was close to home for me) and now the wreckage in Japan - I'm also challenged to not just feel sadness at the weight of the tragedy, but to DO something! No, we can't jump on a plane to every country in need, but we can pray...unceasingly. Let's set ourselves apart from the enemy, raise our weapons, and fight the spiritual battle in prayer for them!
Brooke Fraser's "Flags" has been my theme song of the month. Click here to listen to this amazing song. I sense my emotions triggering when I hear "reality has left you reeling" and it's just downhill from there. It's rare to end the song with a dry eye, yet Brooke's poignant prose speak of something oh so hopeful. It's got God's promises spelled right out:
You who mourn will be comforted
You who hunger will hunger no more
Oh the last shall be first, of this I am sure
In Luke 6, just after choosing His disciples, Jesus makes these promises to them. It is with this truth settled deep within me that I will pray with expectation as I walk on Haitian soil. That is the hopeful part...but there's also the part that haunts me every time.
While apathy acts like an ally
My enemy and I are one and the same
Uuuugh, it just makes me grown inwardly. How often am I apathetic towards those who mourn, those who hunger, those who weep? Do we turn away and move on or turn towards and press in? It's easier to just move on, but we're called to press in. The Great Comforter has commissioned us to be His hands and feet. We are the physical embodiment of His Spirit on earth. If we turn the other way, who will be there? I'm challenged to think of where I miss opportunities, where I let my busyness distract me from seeing the need of those calling out. Preparing for this trip has made me aware of not only the needs in a far off country, but also the needs of those in our own circles. Sure it takes courage to fly to a foreign country and share Christ's love. But isn't it just as courageous to extend your hand to those right here?
In light of recent natural disasters - the earthquake in Christchurch, NZ (which was close to home for me) and now the wreckage in Japan - I'm also challenged to not just feel sadness at the weight of the tragedy, but to DO something! No, we can't jump on a plane to every country in need, but we can pray...unceasingly. Let's set ourselves apart from the enemy, raise our weapons, and fight the spiritual battle in prayer for them!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Disobedience Hurts
We all know the scenario...alarm goes off at some ungodly hour of the morning, in a groggy state you reach over and hit snooze...again...and again...and again...until finally you rouse to some level of consciousness that reminds you there was a reason your alarm went off when it did. You finally stumble out of bed and wearily begin the day.
That was my morning. And boy was I mad. Not at my alarm. Not at my bed for being so darn comfortable I never want to leave it. I was mad at myself. Plain and simple. I had my morning all divided up: 30 minutes with God, 30 minutes to shower and get ready, 30 minutes to eat and get out the door. I don't like to rush in the morning, so the 30 minutes schedule works quite well. Unless you get up 30 minutes late. I had to skimp on something. I couldn't bring myself to completely cut out any of the three activities (let's face it, it would take some serious security to step out of the house and work a full day with no makeup). So if nothing was removed from the schedule, how would I get ready on time? I ended up shortening all three. It was the best solution I could come up with in my sleepy state, but it made me sad. I did get everything done, but I had to rush. And I skimped on my time with God. That was the most saddening. It doesn't matter what I might say to Him, my actions speak clear as I reach over and hit snooze for the third time. And I think really? I would really choose an extra 5 minutes of sleep over spending that time resting in the presence of my God? One who satisfies all desires, who has plans to prosper me, the One who created the mountains and yet formed every detail of my being. This morning I chose sleep over all that. And I was so sad. I couldn't shake it for some time. I know He is also a God of mercy and grace, a God who redeems me every day, but I let Him down - I let myself down. And like a child who disobeys his parents, I was hurt by the disobedience. No, God didn't ground me. He didn't send any lightening bolts either. But I missed out on time with Him. I was the one who suffered for my own actions. Disobedience pulls me away from Him, the opposite direction of where I want to go. So I was left to spend the rest of the day changing my trajectory. Although my initial actions, before I even rolled out of bed, didn't put Him first, I had the opportunity to set it right. At some point I had to stop being mad at myself and move on.
You can bet I'll be faced with the same dilemma tomorrow. Satan (and pretty much everyone else) knows I'm not a morning person. He's very aware that the less time I spend with my Father, the more likely I am to listen to his lies. So it's not just about that extra 30 minutes of sleep. That decision sets the spiritual tone for the day. It's a small action that can win or lose the first battle I'm faced with each morning. This morning I lost. But I've got a battle plan for tomorrow. And I've got God and the angel army on my side. I will win.
That was my morning. And boy was I mad. Not at my alarm. Not at my bed for being so darn comfortable I never want to leave it. I was mad at myself. Plain and simple. I had my morning all divided up: 30 minutes with God, 30 minutes to shower and get ready, 30 minutes to eat and get out the door. I don't like to rush in the morning, so the 30 minutes schedule works quite well. Unless you get up 30 minutes late. I had to skimp on something. I couldn't bring myself to completely cut out any of the three activities (let's face it, it would take some serious security to step out of the house and work a full day with no makeup). So if nothing was removed from the schedule, how would I get ready on time? I ended up shortening all three. It was the best solution I could come up with in my sleepy state, but it made me sad. I did get everything done, but I had to rush. And I skimped on my time with God. That was the most saddening. It doesn't matter what I might say to Him, my actions speak clear as I reach over and hit snooze for the third time. And I think really? I would really choose an extra 5 minutes of sleep over spending that time resting in the presence of my God? One who satisfies all desires, who has plans to prosper me, the One who created the mountains and yet formed every detail of my being. This morning I chose sleep over all that. And I was so sad. I couldn't shake it for some time. I know He is also a God of mercy and grace, a God who redeems me every day, but I let Him down - I let myself down. And like a child who disobeys his parents, I was hurt by the disobedience. No, God didn't ground me. He didn't send any lightening bolts either. But I missed out on time with Him. I was the one who suffered for my own actions. Disobedience pulls me away from Him, the opposite direction of where I want to go. So I was left to spend the rest of the day changing my trajectory. Although my initial actions, before I even rolled out of bed, didn't put Him first, I had the opportunity to set it right. At some point I had to stop being mad at myself and move on.
You can bet I'll be faced with the same dilemma tomorrow. Satan (and pretty much everyone else) knows I'm not a morning person. He's very aware that the less time I spend with my Father, the more likely I am to listen to his lies. So it's not just about that extra 30 minutes of sleep. That decision sets the spiritual tone for the day. It's a small action that can win or lose the first battle I'm faced with each morning. This morning I lost. But I've got a battle plan for tomorrow. And I've got God and the angel army on my side. I will win.
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